Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
