I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your penis caused this!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
