that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
