Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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