I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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