Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
