dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
