Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
