My nipple is on Facebook.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
