Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
