Whod you bang
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
