So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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