Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
