well most of my day revolves around power hour
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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