Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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