3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
