Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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