Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
