My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
