when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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