Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
