life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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