Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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