I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
