chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize