Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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