There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
