Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
