I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
