You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
