she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My vagina is officially offended.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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