I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
