My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
