so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
