I just gift wrapped bread.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
