i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
