just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
