Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
