so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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