I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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