So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
