i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pants are for mortals
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
