now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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