Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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