I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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