brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
