feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
