Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
