yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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