Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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