God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
