Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
