I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
