Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
