before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
