I need help removing her.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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