and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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