great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize