my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
