Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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