I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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