You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize