im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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