halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
